Motivation

As I sit in my favourite coffee shop with a freshly brewed cup of caffeine, the steamy aroma galvanising my smelling sense, my eyes fixed outside the coffee shop admiring the traffic hustle. I wonder what does motivation feel like? Doing justice to my literacy, the meaning of it is well known as the ability to uplift someone’s spirit or to boost a person’s morale. However, that’s with the definition of it. Circling the rounded edge of my coffee cup with my finger tip, I wonder how does it make someone ‘feel’.

Ek cup coffee aur khayal! Image Courtesy: Abhilash Das

Maybe it lies in the smallest of things ..

The other day when I working out in the gym, I remember a middle aged lady crib about the gym trainer not giving her enough attention in her work out program. My trainer mentioned this to me while he was giving me the necessary stretches post my workout.

“I have to hurry!” he quoted. “Else madam will explode on me once again!” he continued stretching my left leg in a scurry.

Irked, I ask him, “So you have all the right to tell her that you have to look after other members of the gym as well! Why care for her tantrums. Like now, she would make faces on seeing you attend to me. Who does she think she is? Plus you aren’t her personal trainer as well! Why do you take this from her?”

I certainly wasn’t cool with the idea of one of my favourite trainers absorbing her ego centric attitude with sheer composure.

“Sssshh.. it's alright!” he responds unperturbed .

“Try and see people beyond their reactions. There could always be a background to it. See a person beyond the expression. Then you will never be disturbed with what someone says or does.” 

This statement. It paved a way to my heart. There was an icy hault to my judgement parameter which felt cooler and soothing. He made sense. A deep sense.

He continued, “Madam has a husband who is dominating, orthodox and a complain box. He is never satisfied with what she does for him and is never appreciative even when she takes all the efforts to keep him happy. His family hasn’t really supported her much and almost all these years she has only seen the kitchen chores. Where do you think will she vent her frustration out? It doesn’t seem like she has much people around her or her friends. She is now rigorously focusing on her workouts which gives her immense pleasure. Who will be there for her if not we?”

“ I let her vent it out and she feels calmer. I cant do much with her personal life but a spoonful of my best to what can make her feel lighter,” my trainer finished his statement with utmost poise and serenity on his face.

When there is no support and if all our good deeds aren’t reaping any fruits, what will the person’s mentality be? Of course distressed! My feelings of infuriation are now replaced with a fine line of understanding.

His thought process. It just struck a chord. He’s barely educated and earns enough to buy daily bread, yet he was rich! Rich in the way he enhanced his emotional intelligence, rich in handling people, rich in empathy and knowledge, rich in keeping patience yet contended and above all, rich in generosity!

His words did magic to my thoughts. I was zoned out for a few seconds as a lied back resting on the ground. You learn from everyone. Literally everyone.

That day onwards, I noticed an upliftment in the way I think and I felt my heart filling up with empathy and compassion which made me feel enlightened. My behaviour towards that lady changed and since the time I started making peace with her projections, she soothed with time and never minded my trainer attending to me thereafter! It's because a simple gesture of me lending her a listening ear might have helped her feel at ease with herself.

This. This was my motivation. Pearls of wisdom on enhancing our empathetic values.

Image Courtesy: Vimal's Paintings

What else could motivation feel like?

Maybe, talking to a stranger who feels more like family?

I had been on a wildlife safari back then wherein, I gelled up with a cook who would serve us food and early morning coffee for our stay there. He made my coffee exactly the way I enjoyed it. I remember him knocking at my door by 6:00 AM with a wide flamboyant and a fresh smile saying,

“Madam! Coffee ready hai.” (Mam, coffee is ready)

I would smile back and relish it with all the warmth he extended in being our host cum cook as long as we stayed there.

On the last day at the time of leaving, he brewed my last cup of coffee and along with it, emotions bubbled up too. I could sense the belongingness he felt with us and so did we. It was heavy. It was hard to leave. That vacation had made a home in my little heart. Heavy hearted, we exchanged numbers promising to stay in touch, rewarding him for his excellent services.

Since then, we have always been in touch! I don’t remember giving so much of importance to any such random person but this guy was a heart - full of pure innocence. It doesn’t take a second for a certain bonds to feel so soulful.

We never spoke of our personal lives but somehow, strangely this guy had made a fond connection with all of us. He was a kid struggling to clear his engineering exams. He only knew his mother tongue well and I would always find is admirable whenever he struggled to speak a few words in English. He was from a poor family and had them depending on him for financial stability, the reason he worked as a cook at the resort. His character didn’t have any essence of greed. The greed or the hunger to become rich, the greed to have a happily married life, the greed for competition. The greed for change. This guy, he was happy. He was contended. He was grateful for all that he had and maybe that’s why he was attractive. The reason I would feel delighted speaking to him daily for a few minutes.

I will mention one of our short conversations which almost got me melted.

Him – “Madamji, Please make my friend understand. She is thinking of suicide only because her man betrayed her. They were in a relation for long and now that she proposed for marriage, he betrayed! Tell her please, that this is not the end of life. She isn’t listening to me.”

Me – “That’s sad to hear. Frustration hits us at different paces at a certain stage of life. She will be fine don’t worry. Be with her and make her smile the way you do to everyone. Why are all the men same? What do they get by doing this?” piqued, I question him naively duped in the web of my past observations from a series of events which continue bothering me till date.

“What!?! Nai Madamjii! Aisa nahi hai! (Its not the way you think). How could you say that?” he slammed back bewildered.

“Madamji, I have never done this to anyone and I believe men like me exist as well. All my brothers are like me! Very respectful towards women. In fact, my girl left me a year ago. We dated for 2 and a half years. It was very painful madamji!” He continued lamenting, his tone dimming a little.

“And why did she leave?” I question him back out of curiosity.

“Because I went bald madamji! I faced hair loss in the middle and she didn’t want to date a bald guy!!"

"She left me because she was embarrassed of me. Nothing itched like the way she betrayed.” His voice was now hit by melancholy and I sensed a thin stream of grief.

However, considering the reason of betrayal, I instead laughed out loud.

“What!?! Like seriously? Only because you went bald? Oh my god! And didn’t you question her, what when the hair grow back, would you patch up?” I guffawed uncontrollably already imagining this scenario in my head.

“No na madamji! Uske baad baal aye hi nai!" (My hair never grew thereafter) he responded disdainfully scorning over the petty reason of betrayal.

I laughed my heart out. I felt pity. Laughed not on him or his situation but the reason and the innocence with which he objected my opinion about men.

He didn’t mind that and instead responded saying that he found it nice when someone would laugh because of him.

This purity. He wasn’t a complete literate. In compilation to his background, he knew how to maintain relations. His uplifted energy would make any gloomy’s day delightful. Literally. At times, he wouldn’t even speak his mother tongue well, he lived in a very small village which didn’t even have enough of power supply and network coverage. His finances boiled down to survival and he carried a huge burden of earning for his family and studying at the same time. He never wanted to do engineering, he had once told me that. His father pushed him into it with a hope for a better lifestyle for all of them. Yet he was an enthusiast! He was grateful. He felt blessed and never scrunched at his odds. Social connections didn’t matter much to him because he was connected with himself! Because the connection he made with himself was of more importance than the virtual ones. I doubt if the ‘modern world’ would ever be able to live with tranquillity as much as he did, very easily.

He was my motivation. His pep talks are my motivation. A feeling of upliftment. Scorns reduced, positivity enhanced and so did the brighter side of my life!

There are so many people in this world but I am unnerved by the way this stranger effortlessly became a part of my life. Because he was happy with whatever he did and he did the smallest of things effortlessly to uplift people’s minds.

What else could motivation be? What is motivation for you? Do let me know in the comments!